Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize