So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize