Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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