He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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