You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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