lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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