there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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