So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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