So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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