i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was born a porn star she said
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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