Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize