can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drake has all the answers
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize