Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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