Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize