Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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