I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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