we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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