Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize