I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I want is dick and wine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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