I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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