Got a toothbrush?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize