So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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