HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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