i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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