sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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