just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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