and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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