Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize