Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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