I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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