If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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