I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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