We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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