I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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