puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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