we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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