I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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