I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize