Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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