i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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