Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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