But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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