Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize