There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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