Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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