Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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