Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize