Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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