...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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