I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize